In February 2009, my 15-year-old self thought it would be a good idea to start uploading videos on YouTube. I was doing a lot of singing at my secondary school at that time and I really loved memorizing the lyrics to Japanese songs, so it made sense to me to start uploading Japanese covers. I don’t exactly know what my goal was at that time — perhaps I wanted to challenge myself, maybe I thought I could become a professional singer, or maybe I just wanted attention, a shot at having my time in the limelight. Whatever it was, I am certain that the me back then never thought that I would ever reach this far. Five years later, here I am with a YouTube channel that has over 8,000 subscribers and 1,200,000 views. But despite this ‘success’ (I guess that’s how most would perceive it to be), I now find myself starting to drift away from the community that has shaped the way I am today.
It’s probably just the realization that singing isn’t what I want to be doing in the future. After starting college, I became less and less able to upload content on my channel because my time was being taken up by projects. I used to make covers to blow off steam from school but more often than not, it became a stressful experience for me. I was never content with the quality of my recordings anymore, and I got so tired from just thinking about all the things I had to do to ensure that the upload would be in the best quality possible. I often spent more than 6 hours working on a single 3-minute upload, without getting much satisfaction from it because it didn’t feel like I was making any progress as a person. I was only losing a lot of the free time I needed for other things I really wanted to do.
The past five years being in the YouTube Japanese cover and Vocaloid community has really been swell. I’ve met a lot of people from different parts of the world and have gained friendships that I’m sure will last a lifetime. I’ve grown from that prideful teenager that I was into an adult (wow, it’s so strange calling myself that) that understands the hardships of dealing with the harsh anonymous criticism that comes with putting content up on the Internet. I also learned how to manage collaborations and deal with problematic people. Along the way, I managed to pick up some technical skills in content creation, and I’ve learned some Japanese as well.
However grateful I am for the experience of owning my YouTube channel though, the time must come when I need to say goodbye and move on to experience something new. This blog and the YouTube channel that comes with it is a whole new adventure for me, and it’s really started opening up so many opportunities for personal and professional growth. As a result, I’ve started slowing down on the uploading frequency of my covers in order to dedicate more time to this endeavor.
In the short time since I started Kooky’s Save Point, I’ve become a lot happier. I now give myself time to read and learn more about the world, instead of spending hours on end confining myself to polishing skills that I’m not that interested in anymore. Singing and audio mixing are, of course, still hobbies that I genuinely enjoy (I still upload on covers on my channel once in a while) but I’ve learned that writing is what I want to do most of all.